Yesterday while awaiting the start of my yoga class, I overheard a conversation between two older women I didn't know, but, judged on their interaction, must have known each other. Here's the gist:
Lady 1: "Wow, it's been so long since I've seen you. What are you up to?"
Lady 2: "Not much. After class, I've got a meeting with my writing group."
Lady 1: "I didn't know you were a writer. What do you write?"
Lady 2: "Oh, well, um, I, you know, well. I wrote one poem about six years ago and it was published."
Lady 1: "Neat. So what do you do with your writing group?"
Lady 2: "Well, we write stuff. And share stuff. Well, I don't really write, but I just visit with them. I think about writing. I'm not really that good at writing."
Lady 1: "That's nice. Sounds fun. So where can I find your writing?"
Lady 2: "Um, oh, well. Um, well, there's not too much. Just the poem. There are three places, but the websites are long. You probably won't remember."
Lady 1: "Can I just Google your name? Or the name of the poem? What's the title of the poem?"
Lady 2: "Oh, dear. No, it was over six years ago. One of the websites is, um, well, I think...www.blahbeddyblah.blah.com..."
Lady 1: (after three deep breaths, a confused look then a relieved look when the instructor came into the class): "Well, it was nice seeing you again. Have fun at your...writing...meeting. Have a good class."
===
It took everything in me not to get up, shake the "writer" and plop her down on her purple mat. Two things about the interaction really hacked me off:
1) If you're a writer, don't be a wimp about it. No "oh, well, um..er...and I...but I'm not good enough because I'm not published...blahblahblah" crap. This might sound a little harsh, and even judgmental, but I feel justified in saying it because I was once in that very position.
I loved writing, wrote a number of short stories and six novels that were just not meant to be published. I hardly ever admitted in public that I was a writer, and when I did, I beat around the bush. Part a lack of confidence, part a mental equation of publishing=true writer, I wanted validation from someone else that I was a writer. Once I realized that no one was going to pat my hand and say, "Oh, honey, you *ARE* a real writer!", I got the courage, in small increments, to admit without remorse that I was a writer. It eventually led to my first national feature, just from confidently sharing that I was a writer.
I told my son about the two ladies and he couldn't understand why I wanted to shake the lady right out of Hero's pose. I likened it to this example: No one else underestimates themselves like writers (especially unpubs). I have never met a lawyer or teacher or retail sales clerk who introduces themselves like: "Oh, I sorta do law and represent some people but I haven't won a million dollar case yet, so I'm just dabbling in law," or, "Um, I, uh, well, I teach kids, but they're not really that great and don't have college scholarships or anything," or, "I like to sell stuff, but just little things like perfume and handbags. I'm not really a salesperson because I haven't sold a ten-carat diamond bracelet yet."
Hello?! If you're a writer, you're a writer. Practice in front of a mirror if you have to, or with a friend. Don't be the Cowardly Lion of writing.
Oh, and the second thought: (lol)
2) On the other hand, if Miss Writing Example isn't writing, only wrote one poem six years ago and hangs out with other writers for fun but doesn't really write anything, either get your butt writing or quit calling yourself a writer. Yes, harsh again, but it hacks me off to no end that "being a writer" is more about "hanging out with writers" than "writing". I call myself a baker, and, if you ask anyone around me, I'm always baking something. Cookies, bread, currently trying to win a cookbook contest with my secret peanut butter dessert...I don't call myself a baker because I read cookbooks or hang out at a bakery and admire the croissant flakes.
Now, I know I have a different (read: more opinionated opinion) on this issue than other writers. I know because it's come up different times in different groups of writers, and it just makes me mad. I don't know why, it shouldn't be my concern if someone says they're a writer but they don't write. (That's like me claiming to be a math wiz when the last math problem I finished (incorrectly, most likely) was in geometry class in 1987. ) It just does.
So the bottom line is this: If you're a writer, admit you're a writer. If you're a wimp, don't admit that you're a wimp by admitting that you're a writer when you don't write. Thank you!
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